Planning your wedding can be a handful, especially if you have to deal with drama from your family and friends. It’s a time when everyone’s emotions can run high. Even though you’re the one getting married, this will also be a transition for them.
Handling people’s differences is a normal part of the wedding planning process, but it can be stressful. However, if you begin with good communication, listening to others, and sharing your messages from a loving place, you can keep everyone satisfied. Here are some helpful tips for handling everyone from diva bridesmaids to meddling moms!
“One of my bridesmaids had a severe hangover at my shower. Then, on my wedding day, she was hours late to the hair and makeup session, but expected full service when she sauntered in,” says Ashlee, 27. When a bridesmaid behaves poorly, there could be more going on than meets the eye.
Take a look inward first. You’re probably not making excessive demands of your bridal party, but you may have gotten a little carried away. “I saw this idea on Pinterest of having all your bridesmaids wear the same hairdo. So, I proposed that one of them cut her bangs to match the others,” shares Hailey, 29. “A few days later, I realized how silly that idea was and why she seemed so offended.”
Pick a lead. Ask one of your friends to be the go-to gal in charge of the wedding events that your bridesmaids will need to attend. Many brides assign this task to their maid of honor. You have her round them up and tell them about their responsibilities. It can be easier for her to organize them and plan the shower, and bachelorette party.
Have a heart-to-heart. A bridesmaid may tell you that she’s busy, but she may actually be hiding her jealousy of you for getting married. Or, she could even be hiding her disapproval of your groom.
She may be worried that your friendship will change once you are married, which may cast a cloud on her feelings about your marriage. Plus, old conflicts in your friendship may surface during your wedding planning. The solution? Be upfront. You might gently say, “Can we talk about what’s going on?” If she’s a genuine friend, she’ll be open to making changes.
A wedding represents the time for a son to cut the apron strings and to make his future wife the number one woman in his life. A transfer of loyalty from mother to wife happens, and this may be difficult for his mom or his whole family.
Include them. Many times, in-laws simply feel left out. You definitely don’t have to do everything they want, but you can figure out to accommodate at least some of their wedding planning demands. By doing so, you’ll start out on the right foot with your soon-to-be family.
Set boundaries. It used to be that there were traditional divisions in the responsibilities that family members had in wedding planning. For example, the bride’s family paid for the wedding, and the groom’s paid for the rehearsal dinner.
But times have changed, and these things can’t be assumed anymore. So take some time to sit down with your in-laws and decide what they will be responsible for. Express that you understand this process can be difficult but want everyone to be happy. Ask if you can come to an agreement on what their roles are.
Let him do the talking. If issues come up with your in-laws, let your fiance step up and show his family that the two of you are a team in wedding planning. It’s a symbolic start to your life together.
Mother-daughter relationships are often complicated, and wedding planning can make them even more so. Your mom’s role in your wedding can touch on financial, emotional, and cultural issues.
Figure out the financial part. If your parents are paying for your wedding, realize that they may do so with strings attached. “My mom didn’t like the wedding planner I chose, so she fired her. I was frustrated, but she was paying so she had the final word,” says Brylee, 25.
Early on in your wedding planning process, you and your fiancé should figure out your budget. Discuss with both sets of your parents who will pay for what and how much. If your folks are contributing a large amount, ask them how involved they wish to be. You might want to think twice about the arrangements if you find out they want a high level of control.
Pick your battles. If you don’t care all that much about the cake and flowers, give those jobs to your mom. Then, you can take the tasks that are important to you, such as your dress and the music.
When it comes to her wants versus yours, choose those that matter most to you and address them head-on. For example, you might say, “I know that you want me to wear your wedding dress, but finding my own style is important to me. However, I’d love to wear your earrings.”
Dig deeper. If you can recognize and address the issues under your mother’s behavior, you can actually become closer during this process instead of resentful.
Think about what could trigger your mom’s behavior. She may be experiencing emotions that have to do with her own marriage, or maybe she feels like she’s losing her daughter. She may feel like she has to plan your wedding because her mother planned hers. Try to have a heart-to-heart talk with her by asking, “Mom, I know this is an emotional time for you, too. Can we talk about it?”
As Venue Manager for the Rough & Ready Vineyards, Tiffany has a genuine love and passion for planning and organizing weddings. She shares, “Being able to create memories that will last a lifetime for you and your guests is so rewarding. I enjoy making your dream wedding day come true!” Tiffany specializes in personalizing wedding services for each client and handling stressful event situations with grace.